When I decided to cut alcohol from my life on 23rd July 2020 life was pretty good despite the world being in the midst of a pandemic. I wasn’t drinking every day, I wasn’t hiding bottles of vodka around the house nor was I pouring vodka on my cornflakes. Rather it was the day after going out with a friend for a drink to the local pub the night before and just getting carried away and drinking a bottle and a half of Sauvignon Blanc whilst my friend nursed one glass.
Rock bottom. People often ask my why I decided to embark in my sober journey and if it came about by hitting rock bottom. For me rock bottom my sober journey didn’t start with me hitting rock bottom.
My problem with alcohol is one I am sure many people can relate with. One glass was never enough and once I started drinking I couldn’t stop. I would drink fast and I would drink allot. If I was drinking at a restaurant I would obsess about the next glass of wine, never being present. I would drink to black out. It wasn’t intentional, I just never had an off switch.
My drinking got me into all sorts of trouble over the year’s of which I am sure I will explore when I am ready to share it, when I am ready for it to live somewhere else aside from my head. But in recent years my drinking took on a different pattern. Gone were wild nights drinking to black out drunk, in its place was something which I feel is a dark stain on society. The ‘mummy drinking culture’
‘Mummy deserves a gin’
Being a parent is hard. Most parents will agree. We surely need a reward at the end of a hard days parenting right? ‘Its wine o’clock’ crack open the ‘mummy juice’ social media is full of witty memes about why we should drink, there are social media accounts dedicated to the subject. Its fine to have a drink of a evening. Actually its expected! Speaking to women I know many of them drink of an evening. Manny of them worry they drink too much. But we are all doing it so its not a problem, its fine right?
A bottle of wine a night. That was me. I wouldn’t be drunk, I didn’t have a hangover the following morning. My friends were all doing the same. Not a problem? Wrong. For me this sort of drinking was slowly breaking me. I would wake up in the morning with a foggy mind, still feeling like I needed another 9 hours sleep. I was anxious all the time, I was depressed. I was unmotivated. I didn’t look after myself. I was snappy with my son I wasn’t the best friend I could be. I was always unwell. See I was slowly killing myself. Just because everyone else around me was doing the same didn’t change the fact.
Seventy days sober
So here I am. 70 days sober today. This isn’t my first journey into sobriety, I was sober throughout my pregnancy and I had around 90 days under my belt last year. I am doing everything I can to stay on this path. I have been told the same thing over and over again by the sober community ‘one day at a time’. I rolled my eyes at this for many weeks, now I get it. So today I am sober, I hope tomorrow I will be sober. I will do everything in my power to keep it that way.
If you are curious about starting your sober journey but not sure if you have a drinking problem, I will say if you have found my blog than there is a very high chance that you so. I often get asked how do you decide when to stop and start your journey to sobriety. My advice is if your thinking of starting and you haven’t had a drink today, then welcome to your day one!